The Anti Pimp

It takes me 6 months to read a novel but I can read an email in 5 seconds.  What’s the difference?  I have NO idea what’s coming next in the latest John Grisham book I’m reading so I take my time and read it…taking in every word as if it were the last in the book.  I don’t want to get to the middle of the book and realize that haphazardly skimmed an important section and missed a major portion of the plot.  Again…so I read slowly.

Emails are all the same…seriously.  If you are following your 8th grade English standard “General Business Letter Rules and Guidelines” you are going to be lost in the pile. They are boring and they don’t bubble to the top.  I read hundreds if not thousands of emails in a given week and the creative ones are the ones that are remembered.  Here’s a checklist that you should consider when applying for a job via email.

• Dear NAME (not recruiter, HR professional, hiring manager, etc.)  Do your homework and at least have the common courtesy of who you are writing too.
• Mention SOMETHING about the job for which you are applying.  Too many times I read emails that contain one line that says, “Attached is my resume for your opportunity”.  ZZZZZZZ.  Bran flakes and water have more personality.
• If you want to move, relocate, travel, etc. to the city where the job is located, know something about the area.  Again, do your homework.  A good recruiter is going to peg you as a “shotgun applicant” if you don’t.  Too many times I’ve asked people why they’ve chosen a particular city, if they’ve visited, where they visited, when they were in town last, etc.  If you want to relocate or travel, mean it.  My reputation depends on your stability.  If you are crackhead and take a contract job that’s slated for 6 month and you get homesick and leave in 2 weeks, you deserve to be water boarded.
• Only send one email.  TWO maximum.  If you apply more than that, it’s assumed you are (A) desperate, (B) have A.D.D., (C) psycho or (D) drunk.  (As a side note, applying past 1am usually means all 4).
• Show some personality in your email.  You’ve got 1 shot to separate yourself from thousands of people.  If you are crazy, funny, freaky or so full of yourself that you make me puke in my mouth a little, chances are you are going to get my attention.  If you continue to stick to the norm of your grammar school text book business letter, I’ll never find you.

I wish you the best of luck in your search and hope that you get your dream job.  I also want you to get it faster than the person that emailed the recruiter right before you did.

U2’s”The Fly” from Achtung Baby.  One of my all time favorites.  If you watch closely you’ll see the inspiration for my logo.