The Anti Pimp

1. Back in my day, we only needed 140 characters.

2. There used to be so much snow up here, you could strap a board to your feet and slide all the way down.

3. Televised contests gave cash prizes to whoever could store the most data in their head.

4. Well, the screens were bigger, but they only showed the movies at certain times of day.

5. We all had one, but nobody actually used it. Come to think of it, I bet my LinkedIn profile is still out there on the Web somewhere.

6.  五輪代表に1万m出場にも含み

7. Our bodies were made of meat and supported by little sticks of calcium.

8. You used to keep files right on your computer, and you had to go back to that same computer to access them!

9. Is that the new iPhone 27G? Got multitasking yet? 10. I just can’t get used to this darn vat-grown steak. Texture ain’t right.

* Translation: “English used to be the dominant language. Crazy, huh?”

props to wired.com

Look for it.

Your dream job isn’t going drive up in a Porsche and shake it’s ass at you.  Looking for your dream job is a job in itself.  Figure out what you want to be when you grow up and employ every resource you know to help.  Don’t forget about your own efforts when you are asking others to provide assistance.  Resting on your unemployed laurels won’t put food on the table and keep your lights on.

It’s not easy.  That’s why they call it a work.

Been laid off?  Here’s a refresher.  A Roadmap for the Recently Laid Off

If you are fat, you can’t fly Southwest, that’s the rule.  Shut up and take your medicine.

Make a big stink by sending messages to your 1 million plus followers and have them create a big deal, spewing hate at the airlines to try to get your way is infantile.  Every national press organization in the world is honing in because there’s a negative story about the usage of Twitter.   Southwest airlines responded in the most appropriate matter and Fatty McFatass (Kevin Smith) is still mad.  Get over it.

From Kevin Smith – “Hey @SouthwestAir? F**k making it right for me just ’cause I have a platform. I sat next to a big girl who was chastised for not buying an extra ticket because “all passengers deserve their space.” F**king flight wasn’t even full! F**k your size-ist policy. Rude…”

From Southwest– “First and foremost, to Mr. Smith; we would like to echo our Tweets and again offer our heartfelt apologies to you.   We are sincerely sorry for your travel experience on Southwest Airlines. … If a Customer cannot comfortably lower the armrest and infringes on a portion of another seat, a Customer seated adjacent would be very uncomfortable and a timely exit from the aircraft in the event of an emergency might be compromised if we allow a cramped, restricted seating arrangement.”

It’s your right to raise hell…I should know.  If you are too fat to fly, that’s your problem.  If you are the fat one sitting next to me and the plane in on fire and I die because you can’t get your seat belt undone from underneath your fat gut, I’m gonna be pretty pissed.  Just because you are a has-been overweight celebrity, you don’t get special treatment.  If you have 8 zillion followers on Twitter, you don’t get special treatment.  Remember the kindness of the response issues by Southwest.  The crane company that comes to remove the side of your house to put you in the hospital because your lard ass couldn’t say no to the 19th Krispy Kreme might not be so nice.

Thank you Southwest for sticking to your rules.  Your response was timely and appropriate.  Nice work.

But this is still pretty damn funny.  May I present – The Death Metal Rooster!!

What value do you provide or are you someone that has their proverbial hand out waiting on someone to provide value to you.   Are you constatly thinking…”hmm…how is this person trying to fk me over?…” or figure out everyone’s angle.  If you spend most your time during a meeting or phone call being a cynic, I’ll label you as a horrible listener.   I only say these things b/c I catch myself doing it at times and it’s a abominable characteristic.

Change your game.  Provide value first. If you can’t find any, ask.  Ask how you can help.  “Is there anything I can do for you right now?” is a very powerful question.  Ask the question…at home, at work.  When they respond, DO IT.   Email me your responses that you get.  I’d love to read them.

Someone told me a while back that the industry turnover for headhunters was 70% in the first year.  No wonder why people that have never worked with OR have had a bad experience with their first recruiter think that the entire industry are complete assholes.  I’d think the same thing.

Think about that for a second.  7 out of 10 recruiters will QUIT w/in the first year of employment!  How do you find a decent one when all of them are quitting?   Two very simple questions you can ask them when they call you.

1. How long have you been a recruiter?
2. How long have you been with your current company?

Simple questions.  If you are a noob to the dealing with recruiters and prefer someone that knows their way around AND has your best interest in mind, find someone who’s been in the business for a while.  The slimy underbelly of what we do lures people in on the false promises of fat bonuses based on how many “heads” they find and hire.  I did it…I know first hand.  My first year, I could give a shit about you…I wanted to get paid.  What changed was that I figured out what I do is based on long term relationships and trust…not about shoving square pegs in round holes.  Those that do that are typically the douche bags that won’t take your call b/c you’ve quit the horrible job they placed you with in the first place.

Regarding “how long with current company” – sure..you can find a “seasoned” recruiter but if they’ve been with more than 3-4 companies, I’d pass.  They are at their “job”, not their profession…thus…they’ll find you a “job” and could give a shit about your “profession”.   Plus, they probably couldn’t cut it at the last 48 recruiting companies they worked for.

If you are in a job search, good luck and let me know if I can ever help.  I know…it sucks but it’s a short term problem.  If you’ve got questions, let me know by emailing me at Scott AT theantipimp DOT com.

Are you a headhunter and care to differ with me?   I’m game.  Same email address or I’ll find you at the next user group I go to.  I’ll look for the dude/chick in the tie and really nice suit and a stack of business cards stacked a mile high.